Devenir

Devenir is French for "to become".

I used to feel guilty for always wanting to become something other than what I currently was, or to go somewhere other than where I currently was. Why couldn't I just be content?

I've recently stopped feeling guilty about it and have just tried to accept the fact.

Baptiste, (the little boy I'm looking after in France) is one year old. He has loving parents, an attentive (if somewhat bossy) nounou (that's me), food , shelter, lots of toys and more clothes than you can poke a stick at. What more could he possibly want? Why, to become something else, namely, like the adults (ah child psychology). If we read, he wants to look at what we're reading. He doesn't want his own books. He wants our books specifically. He wants to eat like us, drink like us, and close his the door of his room when he plays with his toys (like us)(I find this last one very amusing. At the moment it's supposed to be punishment if he's put in his room with the door closed. Soon it won't be).

A one year old boy longs to be something other than what he is. It's a survival trait -- because of this, he learns new skills and experiences new things. Human nature.

So, at 28, it's not really unusual or unnatural at all that I'm restless at times, that I long for something other than else. It means that I haven't sunk into the sludgy mass of apathy and routine that so often seems to mark adulthood. It means that I'm not ready to lay down and die just yet. It means that I want to live.